Sarah Schulman observes a troubling pattern across scales from intimate relationships to international politics: people claim to be harmed in ways that exceed the actual injury, and this inflation of accusation is used to avoid accountability. Conflict Is Not Abuse argues that we have lost the ability to distinguish between conflict, which is mutual and requires negotiation, and abuse, which is one-sided and requires protection. The conflation serves power: the more powerful party can claim victimhood to justify punishment of the less powerful. Schulman, a novelist, playwright, and activist with decades of experience in queer and AIDS movements, draws on examples from personal life, community dynamics, and geopolitics. She examines how social media enables pile-ons, how therapeutic language can be weaponized, and how communities bond through shunning rather than engagement. Her critique extends to HIV criminalization, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and the ways police power is invoked to resolve disputes that should be handled otherwise. The book is intentionally provocative, challenging readers to examine their own tendencies toward inflating harm and avoiding responsibility. Schulman's style is direct and polemical; she is not interested in hedging. Readers who prefer nuance may find her claims too sweeping, but those seeking to understand how conflict escalates will find her framework illuminating.